Breaking Inside

Last night's run, we had everyone invited, summoned and ready to go a few minutes ahead of start time. Yay CRC!
Leviathan went off without a hitch. I'm looking forward to trying a hard mode next week. Razorscale was difficult - we kept losing healers. I think I did okay, except I died a couple of times to consecutive fireballs. Targeting wasn't a huge issue, as I had a good melee dps in my group to set as my focus for my macro.
On to XT-002 Deconstructor, and my first time seeing it on 25-man as dps. No scrapbots got to him, so I feel like I did my job okay. My dps for the second and third bosses just wasn't there, though.
As we were getting ready to clear to Ignis, one of the DK's logged on and I was asked to step out. Not a problem, and they were able to one-shot him. I needed to do some farming for the cooking daily, so I was okay with it, although the rub is, would we have been able to one-shot him with me in there? I don't have the answer to that question.
Anyway, I finished the cooking daily, and picked up the tournament dailies, then went back to Ulduar to wait and see if I would be needed since we had a raid member leaving early for work.
I went back in for a Kologarn attempt. Again, this is not a fight I dpsed on, so it was a little different, I was on sensory overload the whole time, and my dps sucked. We got him down though, and I didn't die, despite Eye Beam (ty updated Deadly Boss Mobs).
On to Auriaya. We can get her, but it isn't easy, and we went through a lot of wipes to get it. In between attempts I get a tell from our mage telling me that if the Runescribe Blade dropped, he was passing on it to me. I trust our loot council, but I'm sure he's noticed me hold back from rolling on stuff because someone who is in more raids and does more dps than me wanted it. The blade dropped, I saw the stats and bonuses, and thought, "hell, yeah!" I used up my last Abyss Crystals to enchant it, but it was worth it.
Starting on time, downing six bosses the first night, and ending early is total win. Again, awesome job guys.
Keeping my spirits up and my attitude good is a constant struggle for me in Ulduar, especially when it's not going well. I know I don't do everything I should on the Auriaya fight, I can't. I've learned how to bury my negative feelings, act cheerful, and push through, but I keep struggling with whether I really deserve to be in there. I know how everyone feels about it, that isn't the issue. Sometimes I wonder if I should just disable recount, and not look at how I'm doing. WMO shows a more accurate picture anyway, it's just not immediate feedback. At the end of the night, all I can do is what I can do, and hope it's enough.