Wipe my tears, Kick me in the butt

Lots of achievement work this weekend. I got exalted with all the alliance factions (new title: "Ambassador Carilock") and was able to sweet-talk some guildies into running heroic Occulus with me so I could get "Proof of Demise" (love and hugs to Prynts, Younger, Luna, and Alord). I mentioned that I still hadn't dueled anyone, and Tidefury rode up, challenged me, and in true little brother style, let me win.

In real life, Sunday was a lovely Mother's Day, although talking to my father-in-law made me miss my second mother and one of my best friends, but I can appreciate all she taught her older son, my husband. My mom was having a good day when I called, although watching age take its toll is hard. My guildies were nice enough to wish me a happy Mother's Day as well. I've always been a very motherly person, even as a child, and it carries over to my friendships.

So many things are positive right now, why do I feel so negative? Depression sucks, there's no two ways about it. I feel like I'm breaking into little pieces and don't know what to do next. In game when I feel like this, I get extremely quiet. I have one or two people I can let know that things are bad, but most of the time I don't.

When I get in a bad mood, or hit a difficult challenge, I tend to get whiny before I can suck it up. I titled this post the way I did because one of the most caring things that anyone can do for me is listen to me cry, give me sympathy, and tell me to do what I need to do.

The guild is in a good place right now. The addition of new members, plus some members coming back to raid status, means that we aren't having problems filling raids. Unfortunately, this means that hard choices have to be made.
I keep wanting to say to Dem, "Is this really what you want? Would it not be easier on all of us just to have me as a social member so you can invite me when you need me, and don't have to worry about asking me to sit?" And yet, I don't.
There are gains to be made, and as I make them, there is always the possibility that one day I won't have to be the one to sit. Until then, I am content, in my unique place in the guild.